So Tell Me About the Last Time You Had Sex

‘Even in therapy, sex seems like the one topic people need to talk about most but don't know how. Thankfully, renowned sex therapist Ian Kerner has come to the rescue for everyone who has wanted more out of their erotic life but felt stuck, confused, or just plain frustrated. Combining decades of clinical research and real people’s stories, this elucidating guidebook is a must-read for anyone interested in creating a richer, deeper romantic life. There is warmth, compassion and clarity on every page.’

-- Lori Gottlieb, LMFT, New York Times bestselling author of Maybe You Should Talk To Someone

‘Ian Kerner is a voice of equal parts compassion and logic. He speaks equally to men and to women, equally to people with great sex lives and people who are struggling. Ian's work is essential in the world of sex-positive writing.’

-- Emily Nagoski, PhD, New York Times bestselling author of Come As You Are

‘What a fascinating book on the how-to of sex — it’s packed with riveting data and great advice: Either you’ll be gratified that you are doing everything right or you’ll pick up a pile of truly valuable tips. Kerner is a wise man — it’s a compelling read.’

-- Helen Fisher, PhD, author of Anatomy of Love

‘My goodness, he’s done it again. After helping men become ‘cliterate’ with She Comes First and guiding women through the intricacies of male passion (He Comes Next), Ian Kerner fearlessly leads us to explore one another. His guidance is at once fresh, funny, human and state of the art. What is your erotic blueprint? Dispelling one myth after another, So Tell Me About the Last Time You Had Sex invites you on a journey toward a deeper, richer and more authentic sexuality.’

-- Terrence Real, author of The New Rules of Marriage

‘Based on real stories and linked by real data, Kerner’s So Tell Me About The Last Time You Had Sex is a look into the sex lives of people that will serve to normalise, validate, and importantly, inspire! This book is for sex therapists, individuals seeking to improve their sex lives, and anyone who wants to turn good sex into great sex!’

-- Lori A. Brotto, PhD, author of Better Sex Through Mindfulness

‘Ian Kerner is a gem of a sex therapist and a masterful storyteller. This book is insightful, practical, accessible, and most of all, helpful. Written in an extraordinarily comfortable and engaging style, Kerner has produced a book that will not only grab the reader's attention and interest, but is sure to enhance the sexual, emotional, and relational lives of its audience. Much like his earlier work, She Comes First, So Tell Me About the Last Time You Had Sex is a book that will endure for years. I am sure to recommend this text to my patients with frequency and enthusiasm!’

-- Daniel N. Watter, EdD, Past-President of The Society for Sex Therapy and Research (SSTAR)

‘Does the sex between your ears or your sheets needs a script update? You’ve come to the right place. Ian Kerner brings together up to the minute sexual science with the highly personal art form of sexual pleasure to give readers a master class in sexual script writing. Full of practical and knowledgeable ideas for rewriting your last forgettable sexual experiences into sexual narratives worth repeating and retelling.’

-- Doug Braun-Harvey, MFT, co-author of Treating Out of Control Sexual Behaviour: rethinking sex addiction

‘No question, Ian Kerner’s book is refreshingly informative — and honestly, that would have been enough. But what makes it truly special is Kerner himself: the abundant warmth that shines through, whether he is describing a client session or addressing readers directly. His compassion and kindness gently disarm shame, promoting the kind of communication and self-interrogation that are, ultimately, key to experiencing joy in sex.’

-- Peggy Orenstein, New York Times bestselling author of Girls & Sex and Boys & Sex

‘From breaking out of a sex rut to managing mismatched libidos, Ian Kerner is at the forefront of giving us fresh, sexy solutions to classic sex problems.’

-- Esther Perel, marriage and family therapist, and author of Mating in Captivity: reconciling the erotic and the domestic

‘So Tell Me About the Last Time You Had Sex is simply a delightful book! It tells you how to focus down and unpack your sexual dance and make it rock! More than this it’s so easy to read: down to earth and so eminently practical. A great acquisition for anyone who wants to improve their sex life.’

-- Sue Johnson, author of Hold Me Tight: seven conversations for a lifetime of love

‘‘Is the air you breathe oxygenated with a little bit of eroticism?’ asks bestselling author and sex therapist Ian Kerner. If it is, then you will savour this book, which (as the title indicates), invites us to look through the window of our last sexual experiences to illuminate our sex lives and what they could become. If it isn’t, then you must buy this book today! Kerner has created another instant classic for individuals, couples and their therapists who are willing to consider what last night could mean for tomorrow.’

-- Peggy J. Kleinplatz, PhD, professor, faculty of medicine at University of Ottawa, Canada

‘For any couple struggling to make sense of their fickle sex drives, dwindling desires and disappointing sexual experiences, Dr. Kerner’s latest book is the first step towards living healthier, fulfilling and more pleasurable sex lives. This book will transform not only the sexual relationship you have with your partners but the one you have with yourself. It’s a must read for anyone who is ready to let go of their limiting beliefs to make way for sexual discovery and satisfaction.’

-- Emily Morse, doctor of human sexuality, Founder & CEO of Sex With Emily

‘Ian Kerner is the real deal. In So Tell Me About the Last Time You Had Sex, he uses the most essential form of communication — storytelling — to help couples follow the thread from their stuck, unsatisfying scripts back to the deep tender core of vulnerability that underlies them. Filled with practical exercises, Kerner addresses an array of sexual challenges and shows how they can become opportunities for erotic growth. He also inspires his readers to expand their erotic repertoire through flexibility, creative imagination, and more meaningful sexual conversations with themselves and their partners. I can't think of a more hopeful, humane and knowledgeable guide for navigating the sometimes vexing impasses of couple sex.’

-- Daphne de Marneffe, PhD, author of The Rough Patch: marriage and the art of living together

‘Kerner dusts off the traditional concept of a ‘sex script’ and polishes it to a high sheen. In his hands, this humble tool becomes a powerful key to deeper sexual aliveness. This is a highly original book. It’s also playful, deeply personal, unfailingly kind, and clearly a labour of love. I can’t think of any other sex writer who can discuss Aristotle’s Poetics together with the neuroscience of orgasm, but Kerner does it all with unfailing skill. Highly recommended!’

-- Dr Stephen Snyder, author of Love Worth Making

‘A masterpiece! Most people experience sexual difficulties at some point in their lives and Kerner's book is here to help people move through them to create more pleasurable, connecting, affirming sex lives. Highly recommended!’

-- Debby Herbenick, PhD, author of Because It Feels Good

‘So Tell Me About the Last Time You Had Sex is full of useful advice … The book is filled with helpful, constructive suggestions … it's likely every couple can benefit from giving it a read.’

-- Kevin Lances * Your Tango *

‘Dr. Ian Kerner has done it again! So Tell Me About the Last Time You Had Sex is the book we've all been needing … even if we didn't know it! Kerner masterfully alchemises the practical and the poetic to help us more deeply understand the world of the erotic. By inviting us to relate to our sexual experiences as stories, Kerner gifts us the opportunity to co-author new possibilities for healing and joy. This book is a treasure.’

-- Alexandra H. Solomon, PhD, faculty at Northwestern University, author of Loving Bravely and Taking Sexy Back

‘Much like Ian’s therapy work, his books are action-oriented and provide concrete examples, strategies, and homework to help individuals adapt their behaviour in the bedroom.’

* Dating News *

Praise For Ian Kerner:

‘Dr Ian Kerner is one of the most recognisable voices in clinical sex therapy.’

-- Esther Perel

Praise For Ian Kerner:

‘Move over, Casanova. Step aside, Don Juan. Out of the way Mr. Big. Meet Ian Kerner, the author of She Comes First: The Thinking Man's Guide to Pleasuring a Woman.’

-- New York Post

Praise For Ian Kerner:

‘Ian Kerner is that rare man who truly loves women and wants to help them.’

-- Amy Sohn, New York Magazine columnist

Praise for She Comes First:

‘Required reading for all men who are dating and all women who are wondering why they're not satisfied.’

-- Cindy Chupack, writer/executive producer of Sex and the City

Praise for She Comes First:

‘Take note, guys. This book is your secret weapon.’

-- Jauretsi Saizarbitoria * Jane Magazine *

Praise for She Comes First:

‘An entire book written strictly for the pleasure of women by a man. Hallelujah!’

-- Playgirl

Praise for Sex Recharge:

’Men, while still lame, can no longer hide behind the old excuse of ignorance when it comes to pleasuring a woman — [T]he facts are all here in this complete guide.’

-- Dr. Drew Pinsky, co-host of Loveline

Praise for Sex Recharge:

”This well-written, hands-on, fluff-free book puts the 'big-penis-big-orgasm' theory to rest once and for all, and offers men the tools they need to have their partners coming back for more. No man or woman should be without it.’

-- Michele Weiner-Davis, M.S.W., author of The Sex Starved Marriage

Praise for Sex Recharge:

‘Witty and informed … [T]his must-read promises to help you break your bad dating habits and stay true to your own intentions.’

-- US We