First Comes Love

A bitingly funny, tender and wise exploration and interrogation of marriage in the twenty-first century: 'bitingly funny, infectiously inquisitive and ferociously sharp. Adored!' - ATTITUDE

'Bitingly funny, infectiously inquisitive and ferociously sharp. Adored!' ATTITUDE

'A fascinating interrogation' GRAZIA

'An incisive, witty and moving look at marriage - as an achievement, a compromise, a selling-out, a practical solution' REFINERY29

It was one thing to get married when your parents, your neighbours, your community insisted on it, when a sacred union for heterosexuals was not just one option but the only option. It’s quite another to keep doing it in when free of that societal and religious pressure. What is the allure of an institution grounded in patriarchy, in elitism, in white supremacy in the West, an institution that invalidated all but one kind of love till quite recently? Why do so many of us fight against these social ills while also posting pictures of proposals on Instagram? Is it possible to be married while subverting the institution by doing it one’s own way, or is marriage having the last laugh after all?

Tom Rasmussen comes from a Northern, working class family, for whom marriage in the centrepiece of life. They are also a male-bodied, non-binary queer person in a relationship with a man.

Journeying through wildly different weddings, visits to wedding planners, interviews with the much-married, those who have questioned their decision to marry, and those who would never consider matrimony, this is an incisive, witty and moving look at marriage - as an achievement, a compromise, a selling-out, a practical solution. Tom Rasmussen examines what marriage means across the spectrum of sexuality and class, and what the future looks like for this most historic and universal of institutions.

'An incisive, compassionate probing of the pleasures and pitfalls of marriage ... A deft deconstruction of normativity today' DAZED

'Tom Rasmussen is a smart and accomplished storyteller ... Anyone - queer or straight - who's considering marriage, or for that matter anyone who's deeply in love should read this unputdownable book' KATE BORNSTEIN

'I love Tom Rasmussen and adore their writing' TRAVIS ALABANZA

'An interrogation and an investigation ... A deeply funny and optimistic read' JUNO ROCHE